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Google marketing needs improvement
I’m here at ad:tech having a great time. I was just looking over a list of exhibitors and their company descriptions. Here’s Google’s:
“Google is a global technology leader focused on improving the way people connect with information. Google’s innovations in web search and advertising have made its website a top Internet destination and its brand one of the most recognized in the world. Google maintains the world’s largest online index of websites and other content, and Google makes this information freely available to anyone with an Internet connection. Google’s automated search technology helps people obtain nearly instant access to relevant information from it vast online index.”Â
Look at all the lame marketing buzz words and cliches in that statement: “global technology leader”, ”connect with information”, “innovations”, ”top Internet destination”, “most recognized”, and on and on. It’s a bunch of marketing you know what! At least they didn’t use “solutions” or “Web 2.0″. Â
I think Google should hire me to run their marketing. Here are some of my tagline ideas:
- “We kicked the crap out of Microsoft and Yahoo in just 10 short years.”
- “If you don’t know us then you’re either old or from North Korea.”
- “We’re fracking rad.”
- “We’re Google…what else do we have to say?”
- “All your searches are belongs to us.”
- “You call that an Index? This is an Index.”
- “Hotmail is so 1999.”
- “Resistance is futile.”
- “Mess with us and we’ll squash you like a bug.”
Any way, Eric, I’m around if you need any advice. I won’t hold my breath waiting for your call.  Â
“Even Chuck Norris is afraid of us.”"Who’s your daddy? Google is your daddy. And your mommy.”"We’re taking you to funky town.”
Left by Feedbag on 04/24/2007You’re really criticizing a company that just turned a billion in profit and pushed another billion onto its users? Really?
I wish I was doing such a terrible job!
Left by Doug Karr on 04/24/2007@Doug:
With all that money you’d think they could buy themselves some decent marketing people.
And yes, I wish I were doing that terrible of a job too.
Left by Chris Knudsen on 04/24/2007“All your searches are belongs to us.”
Indeed.
Left by Blake Snow on 04/25/2007That’s why I use Blackbox. Helps me to sleep easier at night.
Left by Connor on 04/25/2007Looks like that link didn’t work. It’s http://www.connorboyack.com/blog/black-box-firefox-plugin - a Firefox plugin I whipped up that uses the Blackbox engine to search with Google by proxy. Me likey.
Left by Connor on 04/25/2007