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Listening
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” -Rodney DangerfieldÂ
There is no more important communications skill in business (especially sales) than listening. What does that mean? It means just what I said - open your ears and listen. I sometimes find myself formulating a response to a question or comment before a person is ever done talking. Its a poor habit that I am learning to overcome. I have a tendency to try to avoid conflict at work but I have found new ways to express my concerns without allowing the other person to become offended. A big part of that has been listening and restating concerns. I honestly believe that if I would have communicated better with my shareholder at 10Speed Media, the outcome of the business would be much different than it is today. Listening (or lack of it) was a big part of the disconnect there.
Stephen Covey says that when another person speaks, we are usually ‘listening’ at one of four levels (my thoughts in parenthesis):
- ignoring (kids)
- pretending (wife)
- selective listening (work)Â
- attentive listening (authority figure)
Very few of us ever practice the highest form of listening - empathic listening.Â
Wikipedia says that empathy is “the recognition and understanding of the states of mind, including beliefs, desires and particularly emotions of others. This concept is often characterized as the ability to ‘put oneself into another’s shoes’.”
Make an effort to learn how to listen. Put yourself in another’s shoes. This means giving a person your full (empathic) attention when they are speaking to you. Take notes. Restate to make sure you understand. Make eye contact. Non-verbally acknowledge that you are listening. By doing these things you will find so much more success in your relationships and in your communication with those around you in general.
Remember what Covey said: “Seek first to understand - then be understood”
Thanks for the reminder, Chris.
Left by Jeff Jordan on 02/16/2007